Memories of New Year's
by 8spunkangel8
Summary: Tohru asks Kyo a question that causes him to flashback to some of his most memorable New Year's at the Sohma home - and none of them are very pleasant.


**Heyheyhey! So, this is my first Fruits Basket fanfic. Therefore, I apologize** **for any unintentional OOC!** **And also for any grammatical errors. I'm kind of a grammar Nazi myself with some things, but you know how it goes when you're editing a story. You miss stuff. It sucks.**

**Also, if you start reading and are like, "Wow, this is complete crap," then please stick it out because** **I personally believe it gets better closer to the end. Thank you much! :)**

**One more thing (sorry!) this contains SPOILERS if you haven't seen all of the anime or read up to vol. 11 or 12 in the manga.**

It was homeroom, and I was lounging with my feet propped up on my desk, fingers laced behind my head and eyes closed. If I was being completely honest with myself, I was listening to Tohru talk with her two friends a couple desks to the left of me – only out of boredom, of course – until an obnoxious voice beside me interrupted my eavesdropping. I felt the familiar stirring of irritation in my gut.

"Hey, Kyo!" I grimaced. "What up with that bracelet you always wear?"

My eyes snapped open to see a group of guys surrounding my desk. "What?"

"Yeah, did your girlfriend give it to you?" one of them teased while the others snickered.

"No!" My right hand moved protectively to my opposite wrist as I sat up.

"Ooh, he's getting all defensive," the third said in a mocking tone which made the irritation grow. "I'll bet it has some sort of _sentimental_ value!" I bit back a growl as I jumped up to face the punk and balled my fists, ready for a fight. "Ooh, touchy."

"Hey, can I see it?" asked the first one.

"NO!"

"Aw, why not? Afraid I'll break it?" My hand got protective again.

"NO!"

"Is that all you can say?" the third asked.

"NO!" I yelled, and then grumbled under my breath. There were snickers across the room this time as I realized we had an audience now. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tohru wearing her worried expression and wished she would wipe it off. It was unnecessary; I had it under control.

"Come on!" the second punk demanded and reached for my wrist. Without thinking, I swung and hit him with a beautiful right hook. By the time he hit the ground and everyone had started to rush over to him, I was halfway to the window, ready to jump out like that first day.

"Sohma!" I heard the teacher's voice from the doorway. Damn her timing.

_Forget it_, I thought and leapt out the window – or tried, rather. Some bastard hooked his arm around my waist and pulled me back in before my feet left the sill. I squirmed and yelled until he let me go, and I turned to see his ugly face. Damn rat.

"Take responsibility for your actions, you stupid cat." I was still steaming a few seconds later when the teacher came over.

"Thank you, Yuki." I didn't take my eyes off the rat. "Come one, Orangey." I hated her sass.

I ended up suspended for from school for three days, thanks to that damn rat, Yuki. They said it might have been less, but my reasoning was "extremely fallible" or something. Needless to say, I was bitter. They wouldn't say that if they knew the reason I wore this dumb bracelet. If that were the case, surely I'd be shunned, expelled even.

That night after dinner, I was laying on the roof staring at all the stars like I often did, rambling on in my head, thinking of no one specific thing, when I heard Tohru climbing up the ladder. I knew it was her because she was the only one who would come up here after dark to sit with me. She lowered herself down by my side and pulled her legs up to her chest. We sat in a comfortable silence for a good ten minutes.

"Hey, Kyo?" her voice was muffled slightly by her knees.

"Hm?"

She was silent again for another few moments. I waited. "I don't know what you'll say when I ask this, if it'll be a big deal or nothing at all, but… at New Year's… what do you do? You know… when everyone else is… at the banquet." Her voice became a little quieter with each word, but I was still surprised that she was even asking. She wasn't usually one to bring up my being shunned as the Cat.

I thought for a moment on how to answer her. I did do the same thing every year. I didn't particularly want to talk about it, but she deserved some sort of response for having braved the question. "I sit and wait."

I saw her look at me from the corner of my eye and never tore my gaze away from the stars. "Wait?" I nodded. She turned back. "Oh. Okay. That doesn't sound so bad." I stifled a grimace. It wouldn't be if it wasn't for _where_ I waited. Before I knew it, I was thinking back to the first New Year's I could remember.

I was three years old and didn't remember much from the year before except that I knew we'd gone. My mom had told me it was an event for everyone else like me to come together. I was kind of excited for that; I often felt like an outcast and wanted to meet people I would fit in with. It kind of depressed me thinking about that now, since it had soon become clear to me that I could never "fit in" with any of them.

Mama dropped me off in a large room filled with people with a wide range of hair colors. Some looked my age, some looked older, maybe teenagers, and some looked really old, like they could croak at any minute. When I came in, everyone stopped, and looked at me. I felt my face get hot. The two old people gazed at me with what looked to be pity or just plain sadness. I frowned. After a minute, they all looked away, and went back to whatever they were doing. I released a breath. The ones that were older were talking while a boy with white hair, one that was blond, a girl with brown hair, and another with black were chasing each other around the room. There was another young boy who had purplish hair huddled in the corner. Looking at him stirred something up deep inside me that made me feel really old. Beside him was a black-haired kid who looked maybe five and stared at me as if I was an infected scab with puss and everything. I looked away and went to huddle in my own corner. Usually, I waited for someone else to approach me, rather than the other way around, and plus I didn't want to disrupt their game. Eventually, an old lady came in with a clipboard and everyone got quiet except for the kids, who were hushed.

"Alright, everyone, it's time for the line up. First, the head of the household, Akito." The scary black-haired kid went and stood in front of the old lady. "Next, the Cat, Kyo." Everyone's eyes were on me again, and I got butterflies in my stomach as I stood up and placed myself behind the kid. "The Rat, Yuki." The kid with purple hair came and stood behind me. Next was Hatsuharu, the Ox and so on until the brown-haired girl, Kagura who was apparently the Boar was called. It wasn't until much later that I realized everyone from the Rat on was lined up in order of the Zodiac.

"Come," the lady said and led us out into the hall. We walked for a long time, or at least it felt like a long time to my short, little three-year-old legs. Eventually, we came to a hall filled with portraits. There were different groups of pictures. Each group had a long line of paintings, each person having a hair color that matched one of the people in our line. Above each straight line was another portrait. Those didn't have much in common with each other. There was one more below each group, and when I saw those, I understood. Each person in those paintings had orange hair, like mine. I realized each group represented a different era of the family curse. I frowned. All the Cats looked, well… kind of sad.

After a little while of going down that hall, we reached a huge, articulately designed pair of double-doors. The old lady stopped, helped Akito open it, and then pulled me aside. She turned me around and let me watch while the other cursed people filed in. "Come with me," she said to me and Akito. We left, leaving the door open so that I saw everyone else watching us. The kids my age looked as confused as I was while the older people looked away, and the old_est_ people looked at me with sadness in their eyes for the second time. I frowned again. We kept down the hall of portraits for a little while longer until we came to another door at the very end of the hall. This door was normal sized but had a square hole about six feet up with bars in it made of bamboo, like a tiny, panda jail cell. The lady again helped the other kid open the door. It was really dark inside. It looked like the only light was coming from the doorway. Akito surprised me by shoving me inside and looking at me with hate-filled eyes as he said coldly, "You belong in here, Cat." The door slammed.

I rushed to the only way out only to find that it was locked. I started to panic. I screamed and yelled for help, banging on the door as hard as my little fists could hit. I continued like that until my throat felt sore and my fists were surely bruised. I sunk down to the cushiony carpet in defeat and pulled my legs to my chest, whimpering and crying. I didn't understand. Why did they put me in here? What did I do wrong? Were they ever gonna let me out? Shouldn't I be with the other people in the big room? I sighed shakily. When I looked around the dark, musty room, I saw that there was nothing in the small space, not even furniture. Just four walls and two windows – one on the door, and another just like it on the opposite wall. It was night by now, though, so no sunlight shone through. I was so confused and stayed that way for a while. Eventually, though, my young mind began to wander, and I became bored. I got up and started pacing, still kind of paranoid about being locked in here forever. I stared up at the stars through the little window for a while and thought about the spirit of the Cat. I wondered what horrible thing it must have done to get this punishment since I certainly didn't deserve it. It was at that time I started to resent the Cat.

It felt like I was in there two weeks, but I hadn't gotten hungry, so I knew it couldn't have been that long.

Finally, the door opened and practically blinded my little eyes, but I was so relieved, I almost didn't care. The lady and Akito were back, this time with the rest of the group. Akito came in and dragged me out by my hair to the front of the line, and we walked the same way we had earlier. When we reached that first room where we all met, we stood outside the door while Akito faced us and in a practiced tone said, "Thank you all for a successful banquet. I trust you enjoyed yourself. I did. I look forward to next year. You are dismissed." Everyone dispersed except the lady and us kids, although the Akito left with one of the teenagers. I didn't remember his name but thought it started with the "sh" sound. The old woman stood facing away from us. I turned to the other kids, but they were all looking pointedly away from me. I frowned once again and stared at my feet until my mom came to pick me up. She asked me later if I had fun – in that slightly frightened tone she always used with me – and I lied and said I did.

"That sounds…" Tohru's voice brought me back to the present. "…lonely. What do you do to pass the time?" She looked at me with that innocent expression, waiting for me to answer.

"Well," I turned back to the stars. "I pace. I think. Sometimes I train. I snuck in a bouncy ball one time. Another time I fell asleep." I spoke the last statement with distaste as another memory took me away from Tohru's side.

I was twelve this time and understood all too well the curse of the Cat. I had been doing my job to hate the Rat since I was four and had vowed to beat him several years before. I knew where to meet, and Shishou trusted me enough not to skip out, so I went to our meeting place by myself. The only reason I didn't skip it was because I didn't want to explain things to Shishou. I arrived at around 5:45 like normal and opened the door slowly just in case Kagura was already there. I didn't feel like being attacked tonight. Well, I never felt like that but especially not on New Year's.

My efforts were wasted, though, because as soon as the door was open far enough, she spotted me, and I braced myself.

"KYO!" Her eyes lit up as she grinned a huge grin and bounded over to me. She hit me with two punches to the face and a bear hug before I actually entered the room.

"Dammit, Kagura!" I cursed after straightening out my jaw.

"Come on! Everyone's over here!" She dragged me by the hand over to the group consisting of Hatsuharu, Rin, and Momiji, plus little Kisa and Hiro.

"Hi, Kyo!" Momiji greeted me in that much-too-happy tone he always uses.

I hooked my arm around his neck and gave him a noogie. "I swear! Every time you open your mouth, I wanna smack you!" He started crying like he always does, which annoyed me even more, making me rub my knuckles harder on his head, which made him cry more and so on. It was a vicious cycle.

I finally stopped to Momiji's relief when Haru started talking to me. "Are you going to be at the dojo on Wednesday?"

"What, are you stupid? Of course I am. I live there."

"The reason I ask is because I want to fight you, but I won't have time during the New Year's festivities."

"You're on!" I agreed, always eager for a challenge.

We chatted – or argued – like that for about fifteen minutes until that same old lady that came every year for roll call arrived at six o'clock on the dot, just like always.

"Alright, everyone, it's time for the line up." I could practically mouth the words along with her since she said the exact same thing each year. She called Akito first, then me, then that damn rat until everyone was lined up. "You know what to do, Akito." I started dreading the boredom of the next few hours and grimaced as we started toward the Sohma Curse Hall of Fame. It was always degrading to walk past all those Cat portraits hanging solemnly beneath all the others as if me and all the Cats before me were somehow _below_ the other Zodiacs. I balled my fists and glowered at the ground. It was all the stupid Rat's fault. Everything was his fault. I could hear him walking behind me, and with each step, my bitterness grew.

When we reached the huge double-doors, Akito opened them, and I stepped aside out of habit to watch the others file in. I glared at Yuki as he passed, making sure everyone could see how much I hated him. I noticed that Kagura avoided my gaze when she went by like she pitied me, which made me feel even worse. I didn't need her pity. I didn't need any of their pity. Once they were all inside, Akito walked me down to the room where I waited. He shoved me inside like always, said, "You belong in here, Cat," like always, and slammed the door. Like always. I made a "you want some of this? Come and get it" gesture his way, but the door was already shut. I slumped to the ground in defeat even though I wasn't sure what I was fighting. I guess it could have been Akito, but it seemed bigger than just him. The curse, I decided. It was this whole damn curse. A feeling of dread washed over me as I thought back to less than a month ago when Akito had ever so kindly told me the root of the curse of the Cat.

I would be confined from the day I finished high school.

_I'm confined now_, I thought bitterly. Then realization hit, and I gasped. This was it. This was the room. The Cat's room. _My _room. I sank deeper into despair. This wasn't fair, none of it. What did I ever do to deserve this? Stupid Cat. Why did it have to listen to that damn Rat, anyway? How dumb could he be?

I punched the floor with a grunt. In dire need to vent my anger, I stood up and started practicing a new martial arts move Shishou had taught me recently. It was kind of challenging and helped to get my mind off things. Plus, it wouldn't hurt to be able to use it by the time my fight with Haru came around. I grew tired after maybe half an hour and sat down to stare up at the stars as I usually did. This year, though, when I looked up through the tiny, barred window, I wondered how many nights I would sit like this when I was truly confined. That was something I would miss – seeing the whole night sky, not just a small portion like now.

I thought about my mother, how she had killed herself… because of me. No matter how many times Shishou said it wasn't my fault, no matter how many times I told that to myself, I knew deep in my heart that it was true. I knew my father had a right to hate me, but what I didn't understand was why he had to do it so loudly. Of course, I guess that was better than Mom who pretended like she cared when in truth she was just terrified of the monster that lived inside me. I didn't want to think like that anymore.

I laid down on my side, using my right arm as a pillow, staring at the little, glowing orbs in the sky and wishing I could see all of them.

Eventually, I fell asleep, and woke up to light pouring into the small space from behind me. Akito must have been in a good mood because instead of dragging me out like usual, he simply said, "Come out, Cat." I ignored him, pretending to still be asleep. I really didn't want to deal with him right now. I'd just woken up and wasn't in the mood. "Kyo!" he barked. I stayed still.

I knew I was in trouble when I heard his footsteps coming toward me, and my heart started to beat a little faster. He stood over me, blocking my view of the stars – that is, if my eyes had been open. "Kyo!" he yelled again. I didn't dare move. I felt a hard force hit my stomach that left a gut-wrenching pain and realized he had kicked me. I bent into myself, wheezing for my breath to come back, all too aware that we had an audience from the couple of gasps that came from behind me. "Get up, Monster." I struggled to stand up. When I wasn't fast enough, Akito smacked me across the face and grabbed me by the hair before I realized he had hit me. The head of the household pulled me to my feet and dragged me out to the front of the group like he usually did. He started walking down the hall, and I followed him, the rest of the Zodiac not far behind, knowing that was what he expected. I hated that feeling – the feeling of inferiority, like I had to do something just because he expected it. It was deadly quiet behind me for the length of our walk. I glared at the back of Akito's head and struggled not to choke him. It would only make things worse.

"Snuck in?" Tohru asked from her spot beside me.

"What?"

"You said you 'snuck in' a bouncy ball."

"Oh." I paused to think of a good explanation. I couldn't. "I did?" She nodded. "Oh. I did." I looked away from her, hoping she would drop it. After looking at me curiously for a moment, my hope came true, and I exhaled. Unfortunately, all this talk of New Year's got me thinking of the worst I had ever experienced.

It was the last New Year's I'd attended, just a year and half ago when I was fifteen. The banquet went like normal, without incident, thankfully. It was the evening of the day after, and I had been wandering the halls, trying to find Shishou when a middle-aged woman approached me and said Akito wanted to speak with me. I was a little surprised and grew more worried by the second as I wondered what he would want me for. Nothing good ever came of him calling on me – or any of us, for that matter.

He was sitting beside the giant open window, staring outside when we arrived. "The Cat is here, sir, just as you asked," the woman announced. She bowed and left.

It was eerily silent for a few moments as Akito pretended like I wasn't there. Finally, without looking at me, he said, "Kyo. I'm glad you're here." I shifted from foot to foot awkwardly. When he turned and looked at me, it was as if he was staring straight through chest and into my soul. It made me feel vulnerable, naked. I clenched my fists. "Come over here." I hesitantly followed his order. He stared out the window for a few more minutes when I reached his side. Without looking, he asked me, "Do you know why you've come here?"

"No," I answered plainly.

"You are here," he explained, turning to me, "because it's time."

"Time for what?" I asked. Akito slowly stood up.

"Kyo. You remember your mother, don't you?" My fists clenched tighter. "The woman who gave birth to you? Who gave you _life_?" He shifted toward me, and I backed up. "You do, don't you?" I gave no response. "Answer me, Kyo." I looked away and gave the slightest nod of my head. He came nearer to me, and I backed up some more. If he got any closer, he would be in my face, which wouldn't help with keeping my cool. "And do you remember, Kyo, how she died?" He quit stalking me like his prey, and I nodded curtly. He moved from in front of me to my left side and leaned in to whisper in my ear. "How did she die, Kyo?" I kept my gaze away from him and stayed silent, gritting my teeth. "_How did she die?_" He put emphasis on each word.

"She killed herself," I hissed through my teeth.

"Why?" I again refrained from answering. "Who is at fault for her death, Kyo?"

"It's _not_ mine." I muttered after a moment.

"Why would you say that, Kyo?" Akito sounded hurt. "Why would you deny your mother's spirit the comfort of knowing that the person responsible for her death is finally owning up to it?" I was seething, digging my fingernails more and more into my hands in time with Akito's words. "Whose fault is it, Kyo?" I shook my head slightly. "Why would any person want a monster for a son? She couldn't take it, Kyo. Who is at fault for her death?"

"No," I mumbled.

"Yes."

"It's not me," I said a little louder.

"It is."

"It's not my fault!" I yelled. The words tasted stale on my tongue; I had said them so many times before.

"Sir?" a woman's voice asked from behind me. "The others are here." Others? I saw from the corner of my eye that Akito's gaze never left my face.

"Bring them in."

I raised my hanging head and heard the shuffling feet of a group of people entering the room.

"Kyo?" I heard Kagura ask softly. Akito ignored her.

"Are you afraid to show weakness in front of them?" Akito taunted so softly only I could hear. "Is that why you raise you head? To make it look as though I don't have power over you? That's a lie, Kyo." My jaw set and my brow scrunched up in anger. "I do have power over you, and you know it, don't you?" He rested his arm on my shoulder, and it took all the self-restraint I could muster not to shake it off. "I can make you _hate yourself_." He breathed the last to words so close to my ear that I could feel his hot, ugly breath on my skin. I grimaced. "When will you stop denying it was your fault? When will you stop denying it to yourself? To you father? _To your_ _mother_? Once you admit it, Kyo, then and only then can you truly move on."

"It's not my fault," I whispered, my head slowly bowing again despite my efforts.

"What did I say? There you go, denying again. That sickens me, Kyo. How can you stand there and actually believe something that is such a lie?" I shut my eyes tight, wishing I could do the same with my ears and not look weak, like a child being picked on. "Just admit it, Kyo. You are a monster, and your mother killed herself because of you." I shook my head vigorously, trying to shake his voice from my mind.

_Tune it out, tune it out, tune it out_, I chanted to myself, but it proved to be a wasted effort. No matter how thick a mental wall I tried to put between me and Akito's poisonous words, they always broke through as if it were made of paper.

"Say it." I shook my head again. "Say it."

"No."

"She killed herself because of you."

"No," I denied louder.

"_You let her die._"

_Screw it_, I thought and clenched my fists over my ears to block him out. But all that did was make him speak louder. The others behind me could hear his taunts now. Why was he doing this? Just to humiliate me? I felt naked again.

"Say it, Kyo. _It's your fault_." I shook my head harder and harder as he spoke, bending in on myself, becoming smaller and smaller, just wishing he would stop. "She couldn't take it, Kyo. That poor woman. She _loved_ you. And you made her kill herself." I was on the ground at this point, still shaking my head.

_No, no, no, it's not true, none of it. It's not my fault. It's not my fault!_

"It's your fault, Kyo."

"It's not!"

"Stop denying it!"

"No! It's not my fault!"

"She killed herself, Kyo. Because of you. Because she couldn't take having a _monster_ for a son."

"No."

"You're a monster, Kyo. Everyone knows it. And now it's time." There it was again. "Time for them to see what _kind_ of monster you truly are." My eyes snapped open.

"No." My hand went straight for my wrist. He wouldn't get it off. Never.

"Get up, Kyo."

"No." I was desperate.

"Get. Up!"

"No!" The was no sound in the room except for my and Akito's shouts. Surely, the others were frozen. I would have been.

Akito kicked me hard in my left side, and I fell on my right, keeping a lock on my bracelet.

"Get up!"

"No!" He hit me in the gut with a kick that knocked my breath from my lungs and rolled me onto my back. He dragged me to my feet by my hair, positioning me so I faced him. My grip on my bracelet was like a steel trap – until he smacked me across my left cheek, the shock of which caused me to let go for just a second. But that was all he needed. He grabbed my wrist, and I could only imagine the expression on my face. He ripped off my beads with an evil look in his eyes that I knew I would never forget. I looked over at the cursed Zodiacs, and my eyes locked with Kisa's frightened ones. It was just for a second, but it was enough that I knew I had to get out of there. She didn't deserve to see this. She was so young, so innocent. I didn't usually give her a second thought, but in this moment, she was all I thought about.

I bolted for the huge window and almost made it before I collapsed and could feel the monster inside me ripping through my skin, tearing through my shirt. I screamed in pain and defeat. I screamed so loudly it hurt my ears. I saw my hands turn into claws, my feet turn into talons. I felt my teeth grow into sharp daggers, my head form into a snout.

I sat breathing loudly, deeply when it was over and turned to see the shocked, scared, disgusted faces of the Zodiacs. I locked eyes with Kisa again, and the terror there filled me with so many different emotions that it came out as an angry growl as I ran out the open window just two seconds too late.

"Kyo?" Tohru's sweet voice brought me back. "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah, of course. Why would you ask such a stupid question?"

She gazed at me with a softer version of the worried expression she'd worn this morning. Of course, my own face probably looked pretty similar to the one I'd had this morning, too. "You seemed upset.… Did I… say something?" The crease in her brow deepened.

"What? No. I was just …thinking."

"Oh. O-okay." She turned back to the stars to my relief. I didn't want to talk about it, and I didn't want her to worry. And, besides, if I was being completely honest with myself, just her presence was comfort enough.

**Thanks for reading all the way through, and I hope you enjoyed it to the fullest! So, if you did (or not, that's cool, too), then you should review! Thankyouthankyou bunchies! :)** **Oh, and just a side note, I never cuss, but it was truly impossible not to when writing anything** **from Kyo's perspective.**


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